My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
