Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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