at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
