Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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