There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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