he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
