i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize