wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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