I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I have aggressive nipples.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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