Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
