I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize