maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
