oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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