I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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