Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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