He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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