your parents love me but you hate me
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
