There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
