i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
