Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
