I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
now i know why i became what i already was.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
