guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
