i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
