1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
