Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
How does one acquire holy water?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
