we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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