Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
