My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
