I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
