i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
