You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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