found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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