My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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