I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm just crazy horny about you
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
