Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize