My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
