Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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