i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
