It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
