I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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