you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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