It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
