Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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