Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
