i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Who died my cat blue again?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
