I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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