Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Randomize
