at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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