Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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