walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
