Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
