dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
