the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Randomize
