Me too!
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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