nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
