You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
