I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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