There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Text me some of your sweat
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