it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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