I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
