Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
be right there i have to get my cape
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
