I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
