Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
