I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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