i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
