Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
