just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
