i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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