Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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