we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
