Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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