i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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